


A Speck Of Hope

by Remustrash



Series: Remus Lupin's Existential Crises [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, First War with Voldemort, Gen, Hope, Hopeful Ending, I Don't Even Know, M/M, Minor James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Minor Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Remus Lupin & Lily Evans Potter Friendship, Remus Lupin Needs a Hug, Sad, Sad with a Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-20
Updated: 2020-02-20
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:20:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22816135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Remustrash/pseuds/Remustrash
Summary: Remus reflects about the unstoppable passing of time.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Series: Remus Lupin's Existential Crises [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1644652
Comments: 4
Kudos: 13





	A Speck Of Hope

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a little thing I wrote in my phone during a trip. It's a bit sad, I guess. Enjoy?

This is it, Remus thinks. This is how he wants to spend the rest of his life. Curled up in James' and Lily's couch with his head in Sirius' lap and fingers playing with his hair. He can smell the soap in Sirius' trousers and the faint scent of something that is innately Sirius, sweet and sour at the same time, like strawberry cigarettes on a rainy day or the taste of chocolate in your tongue after you've brushed your teeth with mint toothpaste. He wonders if there's any kind of spell that can freeze time and whether it would be selfish to use it, to stop Lily in the middle of a glare and James in the middle of a laugh, to make Sirius sit permanently under him, leaning above him just a little, eyes fixed on James but left hand possessively on Remus' hip. Then he wonders if the spell would also stop the war outside, leave someone in the brink of death, a curse in mid-air, Voldemort forever stuck in whatever he's up to at this time of the day. Or would it just be them? Happy forever in this house that is James' and Lily's third house this year but that already feels like home because they fill every place with warmth and love and life the minute they step in it. He casts a look at Lily's belly where he knows, even though James still doesn't know but is about to, that a new life is growing. He sees Lily smile at him and wants to take a picture of her just then, to replace the memory she had created in his head two days ago when she'd appeared crying in his doorstep, mumbling about a baby who might be born at the wrong time in a world that would force him into hiding the minute he came into it. But Lily is smiling now, hand grabbing at the arm of the sofa as if she were stopping herself from feeling the new heartbeat under her skin because, she'd told Remus, not yet, too soon, he'll make me stop fighting. And so he stares at James with a bit of guilt but a lot of pride at the father Remus knows he'll become. He stares at James laughing at his own jokes and envies him the way in which he's able to cling to his innocence, his airs of invincibility, all the hope he has stuffed down his throat and that will last him a life-time. James catches him looking and winks, makes a witty comment, laughs again, and Remus now looks up at Sirius. Sirius, with his hair tied up into a messy bun and a scratch on his chin from the last time he insisted on shaving without a spell. Sirius with his cheeky smile as he fixes his grey eyes on Remus' and pinches his nose before giving back his attention to James. Sirius, who tells the rest that the bags under his eyes are for all the sex that's been keeping him up and not because he woke up screaming and covered in sweat, his head buried in Remus' back to hide the sobs and whisper all their names like a prayer. Remus dives into his eyes and can see, can feel, can taste, all the pain that has yet to come but that Sirius is already storing in his bones as if to stop it from spreading. Remus looks at his own scarred hands and wonders if the tendons underneath it can withstand the weight of the life he's put together, of the bits and pieces that he's collected through the years and don't quite fit together but work anyway. He wonders if he has enough light in his atoms to illuminate the path to a peace that will hopefully arrive sometime in the future, and if he will have enough left to live and not survive for the rest of his stay in this chaotic, beautifully broken world. He thinks it's too much to ask from God or Merlin or whoever is up there, if someone, to be allowed to be stuck in this moment here forever, to catch Lily's warning glare, to embrace James' easy laughter, to store the last speck of hope in Sirius' eyes. And yet as he looks at his friends one more time, he knows he's got to try. 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments make me very very happy


End file.
